The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
