he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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