if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
