Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
