Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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