Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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