my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
