I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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