He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
