Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
