Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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