I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
