I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
