member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
