she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
