I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You took a bar mat shot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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