I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
