I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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