Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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