Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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