Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
