oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
