I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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