And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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