The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
