why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
