Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
