her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
