Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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