She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
