i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize