Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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