she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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