my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
