I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do herpes really smell.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
