I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
