I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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