I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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