I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
