Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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