wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
