My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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