she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
