Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
