I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Watching her eat just hurts me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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