I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
