You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
