mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
pop tarts are not kleenex
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
