Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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