New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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