It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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