it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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