so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
