you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
