My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
