none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
