dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
