fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
