His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
