Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
