plz talk dirty to me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
